Tuesday I shared my revelation about the full length mirror I bought. For those that didn’t read on Tuesday, I bought a full length mirror at a yard sale and hung it up in my bedroom. I haven’t owned a full length mirror in years, and after spending probably too much time staring into my new purchase, I have come to realize that I am a thin and healthy girl. Well, woman, because I’m 24 and I’m pretty sure you can’t call a 24 year old a girl anymore. Anyway, this past week, I’ve done a little bit of self searching, a little more than usual.
Let me first start off by saying this: When I was in high school I had two boyfriends. Two. The first lasted probably all of 6 months. The second one is my husband today. In between boyfriend number one and my husband there were guys that I flirted with and hung out with and would have loved to have a relationship with, but it just never worked out that way. Mainly because for some reason I was never “the” girl, I was the “other” girl. I was always the other girl, the one who they came to when things were going wrong with their girlfriends, or have something to do with me when they wanted to. Some would even lie and tell me that they weren’t with their girlfriends at the time, but in all actuality, they were just wanting a little something on the side. Not that they ever got anything out of me, because I didn’t sleep around at all. But the point is, I was never good enough for anyone. Never. And you can only imagine what that does to a girls self esteem, to think that she’s only good enough to be the other woman. Not that I had any self esteem to begin with at that age. I was always comparing myself to the other girls who were skinnier or prettier.
So when my husband came along, that was it. We were together, and that’s how it’s been for the last 7 years. I’ve moved across the country twice, I’ve spent time away from my family in order to support him. I’m his. And he knows that. After spending the last 5 years moving all around the country and spending a lot of time on my own, I’ve realized a few things about myself, the main one being that all those guys that were in my life when I was younger and all those guys that I went to school with who didn’t even give me the time of day didn’t realize what they were missing out on. I’m not trying to be cocky, I’m really not, I’ve just finally come to realize that I am a good person, and any man would be lucky to have me as his wife. My husband’s damn lucky, whether he wants to admit it or not!
In all seriousness, I am a pretty damn good cook, and any man who can appreciate some Southern cooking would love to eat dinner at my house! I’m crafty, and I can figure out how to make just about anything. I most recently sewed my very first dress, which I will share with you next Wednesday. I am a good housewife. My house is usually about 90% clean, no one is hurting for clean clothes around here, the bills get paid on time, I don’t cheat on my husband, and his dinner is usually getting ready to be put on the table by the time he walks in the door. After all those years of being overweight, I am healthy, which also means that there’s not a whole lot of unwanted fat hanging around. I’m an athlete of sorts. After all, I’ve placed well in the last two 5ks I ran. I don’t smoke anymore, and I don’t drink. I’m a good mother. Bubba is well taken care of, and doesn’t want for anything. I’m polite and respectful of everyone around me. Whether I like to admit it or not, I don’t know a stranger. I’ll make small talk with anyone like I’ve known them for years.
And the most important thing that I’ve come to realize about myself, and this has been almost as recently as realizing how thin I am, I am pretty. For years I would look in the mirror and say, “If only I was prettier.” I would walk around and think, “Well, thank God He made me smart, but he sure could have done a little more in the looks department.” Or, “I don’t know why I can’t look like so-and-so, she’s so pretty.” Maybe after all these years, the work I’ve been doing on the inside is finally showing itself. Maybe now I’m finally seeing what my husband’s seen all along. It’s just taken me some time to actually see it. Maybe I’ve learned not to be so hard on myself. I don’t know for sure, but I think maybe I’ve finally just allowed myself to be happy. Things looks a lot better when you’re happy!
Sorry to blow smoke about myself again today. It’s just amazing to think about how much has changed in the last year alone. Age 24 has done me some serious good, and I like to think of this year is the year I finally got my head of my ass. As for all those guys who didn’t see a good thing when they had it back in the day, it’s your loss. You missed out on a great person!